Trichotillomania and The Spotlight Effect
It has long been understood that maintaining strong relationships is vital for overall health. Not only can it help ward off feelings of loneliness and enhance mental wellness, but it has the potential to contribute positively to our heart and physical health too.
Many people with Trichotillomania find that their experience with this condition can impact their relationships and their ability to socialise. For some, social interactions can bring on anxiety and shame if the condition is noticed, while for others, it can have the opposite impact and offer respite, keeping hands busy and providing welcome distractions. Similarly, the way people we confide in respond to our condition can either solidify or strain relationships.
Recently I read an interesting article in Time Magazine by journalist Jamie Ducharme who covered research (originally published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology) suggesting that individuals often overestimate the negative consequences of turning down social invitations. I had seen this study covered elsewhere, but enjoyed this article which highlighted a wider trend of social perceptions not meeting reality. Jamie writes: ‘Previous studies have shown, for example, that people consistently think they’re less likeable than they really are, and underestimate the positive effects of reaching out to people overestimating the awkwardness.’
It is this wider trend that I’d like to explore today.
The Research
In a study which spanned five experiments, researchers uncovered a interesting insight into social dynamics: people often misjudge the fallout of declining social invitations.
It found that regardless of the activity, the number of people invited, or whether the scenario was real or hypothetical, invitees consistently assumed their refusal would harm their relationships more than it actually did. This revelation offers a fresh perspective on how we perceive social interactions and the unnecessary worry we often carry.
Key Insights
For those of us with trichotillomania there are three key learnings from this trend:
Overestimation of Social Consequences: As sufferers of a stigmatised condition, we can sometimes overestimate the negative impact of social consequences when our hair-pulling is observed. This can come from past experiences, and the challenges around self-acceptance as we work to understand our version of the condition. It's important that we don't let this stigma hinder us from bringing the people that matter closer.
Honesty and Integrity are more important than saying ‘Yes’: In prioritising self-care, we can still maintain integrity of relationships by trying to respect the commitments that we do choose to make. For example, declining an invitation is perfectly acceptable, but accepting and then not showing up without any notice or communication can risk straining relationships. Similarly, the research showed that authentic and honest responses such as declining offers with the true reason eg ‘I feel I need a low key evening at home’, will not adversely affect your relationships as much as you think it might. This should empower us to be more open in our conversations with friends and family.
Importance of Maintaining Relationships: As mentioned, strong relationships are essential for mental and physical health. For people with Trichotillomania, nurturing these relationships can provide vital support, reduce feelings of loneliness, and improve overall well-being.
Thank you to Time Magazine and Jamie Ducharme for sharing this article.
Definition of The Spotlight Effect: A cognitive bias that causes people to assume that they are being observed by others more than they actually are.
